Who has ever broken up with a guy or girl and called it easy? Thinking that it needs to happen and trying for days to actually go through with it is not easy. Knowing that a little piece of your self is breaking and or hardening inside sucks; I just went through this yesterday. This guy, he is great, nice, sweet, caring, (here it comes), but….he was also controlling, wouldn’t tell his friends about me, and for the 3 months he wanted me to secret. A FUCKING secret. Who says that to someone? That should have been my 1st clue or red flag. I didn’t listen to any of the red flag, nope, I was in a bliss/fantasy world because I had a guy who liked me and wanted to hang with me. I am now out of the fog of being around him and I can see things that are annoying, that are not right, and that are not for me.
I believe that saying that we can’t do anything thing together, no more calling each other babe, no more this, no more that. That was hard, it hurt, it sucked but it needed to be done. The second you send the text or voice mail or say it in person, right afterwards is what defines you. The waves of emotion (different for everyone) that hit you like a brick wall or a speeding train is intense. Unfortunely, I did this right before work and the whole day I felt I was a mess, I held it together. I was in the state of don’t touch me, don’t ask me how I am or I will break down and no one wants to see that.
There were times that I would feel my eyes water, I told myself no, not here. I got home and went to bed, cried myself to sleep. If people think I am weak, then great, crying is just another way to get emotions out. Some people run, others listen to music. I cry and text my best friend who leave faraway and asked her “If I am strong enough to do this.” She says, “Of course you. You are stronger then you know.” I tell her thank you and fall asleep.
Know I am on day 2 I feel num and in robot mode. It feels weird not texting him good morning, not texting him is odd, but the letting him go will feel better each second, minute, hour, and day. I say this now and I don’t know if I even believe it yet. I will eventually, I am 100% positive that I am not the only one who feels empty and lost.
With that emptiness there is also pride and strength that I actually let go of a darkness that was pulling me in and every day I am growing and I am getting stronger. I don’t regret my time with him, not at all but I am not the right person for him right now. That’s ok, I have learned that I need to do what I want and not follow someone else’s ideas.
The moral of this story is to hopefully vent about how it sucks breaking up with someone, how actually doing it involve strength and courage, when you see that there are red flag don’t ignore them, think if the happy times (also with tis one don’t let this consume you either, if you think about the happy times to long you might want to get back with them).
And there will ALWAYS be someone out there for you, it might take time, they might be closer than you think, and or someone you didn’t expect.
Thank you for letting me vent on this website.