when the bliss of romance is over…what now?

9/13/16

Who has ever broken up with a guy or girl and called it easy? Thinking that it needs to happen and trying for days to actually go through with it is not easy. Knowing that a little piece of your self is breaking and or hardening inside sucks; I just went through this yesterday. This guy, he is great, nice, sweet, caring, (here it comes), but….he was also controlling, wouldn’t tell his friends about me, and for the 3 months he wanted me to secret. A FUCKING secret. Who says that to someone? That should have been my 1st clue or red flag. I didn’t listen to any of the red flag, nope, I was in a bliss/fantasy world because I had a guy who liked me and wanted to hang with me. I am now out of the fog of being around him and I can see things that are annoying, that are not right, and that are not for me.

I believe that saying that we can’t do anything thing together, no more calling each other babe, no more this, no more that. That was hard, it hurt, it sucked but it needed to be done. The second you send the text or voice mail or say it in person, right afterwards is what defines you. The waves of emotion (different for everyone) that hit you like a brick wall or a speeding train is intense. Unfortunely, I did this right before work and the whole day I felt I was a mess, I held it together. I was in the state of don’t touch me, don’t ask me how I am or I will break down and no one wants to see that.

There were times that I would feel my eyes water, I told myself no, not here. I got home and went to bed, cried myself to sleep. If people think I am weak, then great, crying is just another way to get emotions out. Some people run, others listen to music. I cry and text my best friend who leave faraway and asked her “If I am strong enough to do this.” She says, “Of course you. You are stronger then you know.” I tell her thank you and fall asleep.

Know I am on day 2 I feel num and in robot mode. It feels weird not texting him good morning, not texting him is odd, but the letting him go will feel better each second, minute, hour, and day. I say this now and I don’t know if I even believe it yet. I will eventually, I am 100% positive that I am not the only one who feels empty and lost.

With that emptiness there is also pride and strength that I actually let go of a darkness that was pulling me in and every day I am growing and I am getting stronger. I don’t regret my time with him, not at all but I am not the right person for him right now. That’s ok, I have learned that I need to do what I want and not follow someone else’s ideas.

The moral of this story is to hopefully vent about how it sucks breaking up with someone, how actually doing it involve strength and courage, when you see that there are red flag don’t ignore them, think if the happy times (also with tis one don’t let this consume you either, if you think about the happy times to long you might want to get back with them).

And there will ALWAYS be someone out there for you, it might take time, they might be closer than you think, and or someone you didn’t expect.

Thank you for letting me vent on this website.

Be kind,

Miss CKS

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Crossfire or no fit?

Tomorrow is my day one of a cross fit beginning class I am going to start. June 4th, 5th, 11th, 12th, 18th, 19th.

19th I turn 26!!!!!

i will try to remember to update how I am doing.

wish me luck I hope I survive

Thinking your falling for someone and they turn around and broad side you with…Silence!!!

Why do women fall for guys? Is it their charm, good looks, sense of humor? Career? How long does it take to fall for a guy or girl? A minute? A day? A week? A month? It should be different for every single person. The falling might include butterflies, blushing, secret smiles or jokes, midnight dates or afternoon dates, etc.

Some might call this the honeymoon phase, what happens after this phase? What happens when two people admit that they like each other and the next day nothing happens?

Nothing; the late night texting or talking on the phone stops, the little visits at work stop, the late lunches together stop. There is always a maybe that any of the above will appear back again.

The nothing sucks and it hurts but it shouldn’t let anyone hide from all the other guys or girls that are out there. Just because one person made you feel like crap one day that doesn’t mean that you can sit and be depressed about it.

I want to hear what others have done when they are hit with the “Nothing” and or “No Response” to a call or text or invite from a guy or girl that you have crush on or have liked for a while.

-MissCKS

On my own…Challenge Accpeted

People say being on your own is hard. That is true but what they don’t say is how much you learn about yourself. I have always counted on having food in the fridge at home and having at least one or two people at the house (either my mom or dad or brother), having music on, etc. Know that I am renting a room from a family friend, planning out my meals, and sometimes not seeing my roommate aka family friend for a week or more at least; she works mornings and I work nights. Its a complete 360 that I have done with my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Which I don’t mind, but I missed the noise (my family that would be in and out of the house and my animals) the 1st 2 weeks up in Shoreline. After that I those 2 weeks I love it up here I can call my family and friends up whenever I want, I don’t have to be home at a certain time, I can do what I want and not get bothered. I can also leave the house at any time, but I still will let my roommate know that I will be home after work or I won’t be. The freedom I have is amazing and encouraging to me to find myself again.

Being on my own has its challenges but nothing I can’t handle.

Thank you for reading my blogs,

MissCKS

In heavy traffic…I think

While I am in heavy traffic I think

I look over and I say, “Ugh, what is that stink.”

An old sandwich that I see

On top was a huge bee

I scream and shout and I let the bee out

I breathe in…out…in…out

The bee is out; the window up

Then I search for my cup

Full of water; water makes me think of the sea

Then I think of that dam bee

As I sit in heavy traffic

This is a poem I tried to make it rhyme the best that I can. Have a great day, every one!!!

Step one living on my own

25 years of being with my parents and my brother. Finally get an opportunity to be on my own, I am starting today. I am so excited and thrilled to do this. The commute will be fun and interesting but I am ready to start.
Step 1 was fixing my room up and that is done.
Step 2 is finding a ups and a new credit union.
Who knows what will happen next? I am just praying that i can make it!!!!
Wish me luck

Where do we get strength from?

Where do people get strength from? From others? From family? From friends? From strangers? What is Strength? What strength means to me is getting up in the morning putting two feet on the ground and telling yourself that “Today is a new day.”

Strength also means taking a job away from home because that’s what you need to do to survive and or get away from a small town for a bit and try something new.  Somehow the 1st 3 months of this year has caused me to have so much strength and ambition to change my life for the good.

There was always a small voice inside me that said, “No you will not get this.” What I did was not let that voice get bigger; it is possible for that voice to be smaller and smaller. For people who have that voice get bigger and bigger I am sorry, but it is possible to have that voice get smaller. For me it was easy I nipped it in the butt, but for others it might be harder.

I try not to use the word “I” but sometimes it’s hard, it’s possible but hard. I was just thinking about where strength comes from, it can also come from animals.  I have had some dogs and cats that have been amazing. My 1st dog was a Blue heeler. She was the best, so protective and smart. She would never let anyone in to the yard. My 2nd dog was a Border collie. He was smart to and so furry, that great thing about this dog was he would lay his head in your lap and look up to you with his big brown eyes. When you felt down or sad, he made it all better.

Strength comes from family that supports you in anything, friends who sit with you and laugh about silly things and strangers that become friends. Strength can come from anywhere. The goal is to keep moving forward and to give someone strength that needs it.